Amusing No? T-Shirt slogans

T-Shirt Slogans from TypeTees.com

• Never argue with a 90 degree angle. It’s always right.
• If Your Pants Are On Fire, Being A Liar Becomes Less Important.
• When You Think About It, All Galaxies Are Far, Far, Away
• Paint a picture – it’ll take longer
• Procrastinators: Leaders of Tomorrow
• Magic is just stuff science hasn’t made boring yet
• Video games ruined my life…Good thing I have two extra lives.
• Yeah. I play on expert
• It’s just safer to assume I know karate
• Real bear hugs are often fatal
• Rock is dead, and paper killed it
• Stop destroying the planet! It’s where I keep my stuff
• Being vague is almost as fun as doing this other thing
• SUPERVISION isn’t nearly as cool as it sounds
• Stupid raisins. Stay outta my cookies!
• A city built on rock’n'roll would be structurally unsound

My unsuccessful nomination: Rayguns don’t kill humans. Aliens with rayguns kill humans.

Art + Art = ooohhhh

Nuclearly morphologically disturbed insects and Alexander McQueen Spring 2010

Up at Sparrowsfart Morning Coffee Coasters

Thorndon Fair rolls around on Sunday 6 Dec. First prototypes of my knick-knackery are emerging. These will be coasters.

Things I like saying that if I heard someone else say I would think “what a lame-o”

• “What a lame-o”
• “That’s ridonkulous”
• “That’s/You’re/It’s cra-zazy”
• “Exqueeze me?”
• “[word]-burger” as in “gone-burger” “fail-burger” “success-burger” – a kind of lame-o version of -izzle. izzle-burger.

Dlisted.com classics

Michael K and Dlisted.com – guaranteed to make you wish you said it (or failing that, make you think you could slip it into regular conversation).

• “I’m a little concerned. How is Jon going to pay his fancy lil’ lawyer now? If Jon can’t pay his fancy lil’ lawyer, how is his fancy lil’ lawyer going to maintain his fanciness? No more fancy hair plugs. No more fancy fake tanning. No more fancy Louis Vuitton business woman purses. No more fancy lil’ boy suits from Brooks Brothers. No more fancy lifts. …. Insert fancy sad face here.” – 13.10.09
• “the visual makes cockroaches barf”,  “Why are people stupid? Why?…The polar bears must have thought it was their fucking birthday! Here was a special needs seal swimming directly into their mouths!” – 11.4.09
• “If you took the word NUTS, wrapped it in straitjackets, threw it in a padded room and treated it with electroshock therapy while a chorus of Nurse Ratcheds danced around it, it still wouldn’t look as half as crazy as OctoMommy.” [In reference to Octomom's spokesperson quitting because "The woman is nuts"] – 8.3.09
• [Kanye West's Greatest Pain] “a) There will never be enough exclamation points in the world to perfectly get his point across. b) His ego will never really know how much he loves it. Truly.”  – 3.3.09
• “Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery! They are both crossing their arms and giving the side-eye to [insert name of any celebrity apologising/accepting an award]” -  15.2.09
• “All those boring broccoli people are all the fucking same.” – 11.2.09
• “That’s why Spaghetti Cat and Stains should be getting more high-profile campaigns.” – 9.2.09
• “Although, [insert any name here] is still breathing, I’m not sure why. I’ll have to ask Satan that during our weekly conference call.” – 27.1.09
• “rose ceremony shocking, right?” – 27.1.09
• “Actually, just roll your eyes a hundred times and pretend you read it.” – 7.2.09

Guaranteed to Make Me Laugh

• Hamish & Andy on ZM on Saturday morning (hate ZM though) – I hear it driving to and from squash and, at times, I fear I may crash because my eyes close up from laughing
• 7 Days on TV3 – has to be inspired by MTW but my God NZ comedians (when edited heavily I imagine) is funny!
• Mock the Week – Jeezus HC UK political comedy is the biz – Frankie, Dara, Russell – nuts on the road, butterfly slippers, HIV positive and anything that Dara says – comedy gold. (Find full episodes on YouTube (Thanks you YouTube))
• Mascots falling over (ironic, given my top two Guaranteed To Make Me Cry’s)
• Engrish.com
• The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
• Peter, Stewie, Brian, Chris and 8 crates of ipecac
• Chuck Norris Facts
• Cake eating Cake (the efforts of a fledgling blinky)
• The Soup with Joel McHale

Current Obsessions – June-July 09

• CREATIVE BLOCK – thanks in part, I believe, to new iMac and to 42-day delay in getting CS4 serial number from Adobe.
• Ctrl-Shift--4 shortcut. Helped me create the above crappest image I’ve ever created. Total cake-eating-cake.
• Somewhat surprised at my nostalgia for MJ, to wit:
• ‘Ben’ – always makes me teary – I remember it vividly from the Jackson’s mini series in the 80s
• ‘I just can’t stop loving you’ – I remember singing it in the shower downstairs in Rotorua as a teen. Spookily, I was singing this to my cat on the week of MJ’s death (i.e. before he died)
• ‘Scream’ – I remember watching the premier of the video with Ma and sister – them instantly hating it, me kinda liking it. Also remember watching the premier of ‘Black and White’ and ‘Bad’
• ‘Man in the Mirror’ from 1988 grammys because I was obsessed with U2 and they won something right after his performance, and said how great he was, so I had to like him as much as they did (I joined Amnesty International becuase of them too – never wrote a letter though) all of which I’d recorded on video and used to watch over and over and over
• ‘Thriller’ – couldn’t watch the whole thing cos the eyes at the end freaked me out. They used to play it as the final New Years song – just before midnight. Plus the memory of the family friend’s who had Thirller on cassette.
• Motown hits – one of my biggest investments as a kid was a double-cassette of Motown hits: “I’ll be there” “Got to be there”, et al
• And finally, maybe mostly, ‘Blame it on the boogie’ – the first song I played when me and Sarah Bell did a midnight to 6am shift on a radio station (part of journalism course work). I defy you to not goove on that one.

Amusing, no? Train conversation

Scene: Train. Delayed. Interminably. Conversation behind me: Interminable. Or was it….

Two university students, a male and a female.

Conversation seemed somewhat interesting—film majors, one suspected. I had just finished the book I was reading. “Entertain me, youth” I thought.

Discussion ranged from pitch of male voiceover artists for Japanese films (apparently they are too effeminate according to female) to seriously 奇妙な animation storylines (something about don’t give into sexual urges—get super power, give in—no powers awarded).  However, after 10-or-so ‘like’ (e.g. “I like, like say I don’t, like, know, you know,…like it’s weird!”) punctuations, bet made with self to stop listening after 100 ‘like’s’ are uttered. Took 20 mins – train trip 30 mins.

She was like a like-machine. That above e.g. was verbatim – 4 like’s in like 4 seconds. He, far too cohesive. Until the following snippet, where any erudition points he had earned were shot to hell – pun intended:

He: Do you know the alarm-o? (He meant Alamo *sigh*)
Her: No
He: The Alarm-o, it was in Texas. It’s Alarm-o, I thought it was Alamo (Yes, it is A-LA-MO) but that’s something in Germany (no, that’s a rental car company). Who was that Captain, or General, Custard. General Mustard? (there’s a joke coming, right. This is a set-up. Isn’t it?!)
Her: Like I don’t even know what you mean. Sorry.
He: Yeah, that guy just came in a got stuff done. Killing. Just came in and got it done.

(Postscript: Oh dear, quick google search tells me Custer was born about 3 years after the Alamo. Still, I don’t blame Train Boy too much, if he’s a film major God knows what kind of Hollywood history version he witnessed.)

Most enjoyable trip!

Amusing, No? Pleasant Friend Maru

Pleasant things I really love them. Time spent in unease is now being converted into time spent in serenity. Maru is the cat for having a most comfortable time!!

Postcards from the Fridge